Clinic Visits and Gettin' Right with The LORD

Last Wednesday, we had our first ever clinic appointment at ACH…kind of unheard of for an almost 4 month old. Since Caroline had to have 6 surgeries to fix the choanal atresia- also unheard of- we had simply been following up with her ENT doctor in the OR every other week. I'll elaborate more on this part of the ride later, but I will say it was a painstaking process of cutting, scraping, and praying. This condition occurs in about 1 in 7,000 births and has varying degrees of severity…well wouldn't you know our Caroline had the worst case our surgeon and his mentor have ever seen. After having a breathing tube placed in her nose for 4 weeks, our prayers were answered. After the latest surgery confirmed her nasal passage was finally open, I got a call from the ENT nurse, Lucia, with a time and date for our clinic appointment…or should I say appointments…

It turned out we wouldn't only be seeing ENT but also craniofacial and neurosurgeons. I was a ball of nerves leading up to this appointment. I'm always nervous before surgeries but this was different, there was an urgency in Lucia's voice that unsettled me. The latest CT scan showed Caroline's ventricuolmegaly was still progressing, so neurosurgery wanted to examine her to see if she would require a shunt or some type of brain surgery. Wonderful. After hours of waiting, we finally got to see our surgeons. We had met Dr. Honnebeir, her craniofacial surgeon, in the NICU, but the neurosurgeon, Dr. Cai was a new face. They carefully and precisely ran their fingers all over her skull, and with that they had their verdict. "That's it?" I thought. They discussed her case and with the worsening ventriculomegaly, decided they wanted to operate ASAP… Thursday, September 4th to be exact. This was news to us because when we were in the NICU, we were told they would do the cranial surgery at 9-10 months. The good part about operating earlier is they will be able to do an endoscopic procedure rather than the traditional calvarial vault remodeling. So what does this mean for us? Well, it will be a less invasive procedure which means less time under anesthesia, less blood loss, and fewer nights in the hospital. All very good things. The only catch is she will have to wear a helmet for 6-8 months to help her skull grow and shape normally. Now off to orthotics to fit her for the helmet…

Here she is reading a horse book while waiting to see the ENT doctor. I told y'all my baby likes to read…and apparently she also like horses, she is her mama's girl after all. We did promise her a pony if she would take all of her bottles in the NICU. I guess she is expecting us to make good on that. 

So far, our day at ACH had been pretty positive. Then we met the jerk. Maybe he was just having a bad day and doesn't actually hate babies and their parents. Maybe I'm just super sensitive and defensive as a parent. Either way, it has been quite a learning curve in dealing with people who are not the kindest to your baby. I am getting better…slowly…it's a process. The fact that I have been able to make it this far on the ride without slapping the rude out of somebody is evidence of The LORD working in me. That is not to say I haven't had some ugly- and I mean very ugly- moments. Our first well baby visit at our local pediatrician's office almost ended in me getting in a brawl. This lady kept staring at Caroline. I know she looks different. I know people are curious about the tape on her lip but less than a week after leaving the NICU, my emotions are still on edge. As she is staring, really gawking would be a better term, at my daughter, I glare at her and throw my arms out like, "What?!" This lady glares right back at me. Fortunately, Josh was nearby filling out paperwork with the receptionist. He comes over and whispers, "please don't get me involved in a fight." "Josh, she just better not start nothin' with me." "OK just settle down." So I avoid anymore eye contact with the lady but I'm still muttering "stare at my baby, I'll poke you in the eye…slap the ugly right off of you."

The problem with being transparent is I have to share the bad right along with the good. I want people to like me but the thing is it is impossible to please everyone. I hope maybe one person can relate to even my crazy, ugly moments and know they aren't alone.

Can I get an amen, y'all?