Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Steel Magnolias

Do you have a favorite movie that you could watch over and over again? One that you can recite every line and never get tired of hearing those words? I have one. It's hands down my favorite movie of all time- which sounds oh, so cliche since just about every Southern girl would say the same- but that's alright by me. There's a reason the story resonates with so many people. The movie is based on a play based on a true story. A story that, while so unique, is also so universal for Southern women…and men. On a college spring break trip to Cancun, the guy who was just a friend, but would years later become my husband, was around when I had a low blood sugar spell. I didn't act quite as dramatic as Julia, but he held up a drink to my mouth and drawled, "drank the juice, Shailby." At that moment I said to myself, "that is going to be my man." Now, it may seem I would be drawn to this movie for the obvious similarity between myself and Shelby, but I fell in love with this movie way before juvenile diabetes came into my life. In my former life as a diabetes educator, while trying to explain to my patients the differences between type 2 diabetes (which was most of my patients) and type 1 diabetes (me) I often said, "you know like, Steel Magnolias?" to describe my condition. That typically got 2 different reactions from people…1. sheer horror and shock that I was able to work and was not, in fact, laid up in a hospital bed on life support or 2. blank stares of unfamiliarity. Now I realize the movie is getting a little old, but come on people, this should be mandatory viewing! Going back to reaction 1 of sheer horror and shock, I will admit the movie does not do a great job of accurately portraying the life of a type 1 diabetic but let's just leave it at that.

So, why do I love this story? I love the characters. I love the strong, yet gentle women who support each other through good and bad. As Truvy says, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" and really that's what you feel throughout the movie.  I think everyone who gets to know these characters is reminded of women in their lives. Know a Ouiser? You know you do. We all know that crazy, old, woman who can be such a grouch that you want to just slap her and then you turn around and here she comes bringing you cucumbers from her garden. Every young woman needs a Miss Clariee in her life to remind her how to be a gentle leader. I know my Clariee. She is one of the most business-saavy women I know, yet the most genteel. She gave me some great advice as a wide-eyed college student. She said with tenderness yet firmness, "Now, Katie, when you get ready to get married, you marry a man like your daddy. You marry a soft-spoken, gentle man, or you will be very sad." I think you probably know an Anelle. Lord, you just love her to pieces, but bless her heart, if she don't drive you crazy. Don't underestimate Anelles, though. They have a great inner power and are essential when it comes to putting things back into perspective for you. They don't let personal tragedies interfere with their abilities to do great hair, either. Oh, and I hope you know a Truvy. She can make you smile, laugh, and feel better about yourself when you feel like everything has just gone all pear-shaped. She's the one you sidle up to at a party when you want to hear a good story, especially if it involves a secret about your nemesis…not that you have one, just saying…

I know a M'Lynn. She is my very best friend, my rock, and my mother. She is the strongest woman I know. She picks up the pieces and puts everything back together when life has truly gone awry- all  while keeping herself together. I have never seen my mother fall apart. I don't know how she does it. Myself, well I'm more of a Shelby- highly emotional and stubborn to a fault. When I get overwhelmed, I just want to sit and cry for a bit, but my M'Lynn, she will jump right in and clean the house from top to bottom, cook a roast, and bake a pie without a hair out of place. When I told her I was expecting, she was so happy for me but I know she worried. Since my diagnosis at 16 I had heard many times that a baby might not be possible, that it might be too hard on my body, but much like Shelby, "I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothin special." Like the Eatentons though, my mother and father always said all they wanted for me and my brothers was happiness. Here I am today, holding this wonderful creature and I want so much happiness for her. Like I have said before, I buried the standard plans you have for your child like playing the piano or excelling at tennis. Caroline loves to prove me wrong, so she may excel at each of those things. Mainly, what I wish for her is to be a Steel Magnolia. I pray she knows her worth as a woman. I pray that she understands that being a woman does not change the calling He places on her life. I want her to know that being a woman does not make her a different kind of Christian. 

I know that many have already weighed in on this topic but I can't let it go. I have lost sleep over the Duggar family for the past few nights. I have never been a fan of the show, but I absolutely do not hate them. I don't agree with most aspects of their lifestyle but until recently, it didn't affect me. So why do I care so much now? As a mother to a daughter, I am the one who is supposed to model what is acceptable and unacceptable. I never, ever want her to think someone assaulting her and taking advantage of her is acceptable. Yes, there is forgiveness and redemption. I am the chief of sinners. Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be until I die. I pray that Josh has truly found recovery and redemption, but mostly I pray for the girls who were violated. The girls, who are now women, will never be the same. They and their relationships will be forever affected by the heinous acts and worse, the cover-up, which is the true crime here. No adult in this case acted responsibly at any point. To those who say the sin was a private matter and "dealt with" I beg to differ. Reporting something to church elders a year after the criminal behavior, yes it is a crime, began is not "dealing." Sending the perpetrator, who let's face it is also a victim of his sheltered upbringing, to do manual labor as therapy for 3 months, (his mother later admitted no counseling was ever involved) is not "dealing." Then, sending him to get a "stern talking-to" from a police officer buddy who did not file a report and would later be sentenced to 50+ years for child pornography charges is not "dealing." I know some make the excuse that he was "only 14, a child." He was 14 when this started and continued the acts. He knew they were wrong. I grew up with 2 older brothers, and I can assure you,  nothing about his actions was normal. I absolutely hate that the real victims, the daughters and the friend, are suffering once again, and this time publicly. I hate that the media is loving the demise of this family. Like I said, I do not hate them or wish them ill-will, ok I will admit I have been wishing for some punishment for the parents and clergy who are mandated reporters and did not report the offense-ah, there I go again. So, the other day, as I am trying to deal with my anger about this situation,  I go for a run. (Caroline is a year old so now officially I have to quit making excuses and get back in shape.) So, as I run, I listen to music. A rap song comes on and the words stop me in my tracks. If I am so concerned about what my reaction to the Duggar scandal tells my daughter, should I not be concerned with my acceptance of these lyrics that degrade her as a woman? My sister-in-law texted me the other day about this topic. She had her radio going and heard these lyrics:

Shawty, I don't mind if you dance on a pole,
That don't make you a ho

She and I agreed that actually that does make you a ho. When did we decide as women that being objectified was acceptable? When did we decide that we should wear certain clothes, style our hair this way, or have a 24" waist to have any worth? The media tells us we should and we obey. 

Well, I pray that my Sweet Caroline would have a rebellious, stubborn streak like her mama Shelby to forge her own path. I pray she would have the quiet strength and deep love of my M'Lynn. The good nature and warmth of  my Truvy. I pray for the practicality of my Anelle, and the politeness and wisdom of my Clariee. I even pray for a good dose of my sassy Ouiser in her- that she would have the strength to be an independent woman and the orneriness to stomp a mud hole in the side of any male who tries to get in her way. 
My two Steel Magnolias. Tender as Magnolia blossoms but tough as steel

2 comments:

  1. your best post yet - - - - And that is also one of my very favorite movies. My three best friends and I have always been "each other's" Steel Magnolias. We all have matching magnolia coffee mugs!!!! When one of us has a loss or going thru a tough time, the other three of us send something and sign the card "from your Steel Magnolias". Thanks again for sharing and you can rest assured that Caroline will be that strong, yet tender, lady you wish for her to be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, Becky. Those special friendships are vital in navigating life's journeys! I appreciate the words of encouragement from a strong, sweet Steel Magnolia!

    ReplyDelete