Steel Magnolias

Do you have a favorite movie that you could watch over and over again? One that you can recite every line and never get tired of hearing those words? I have one. It's hands down my favorite movie of all time- which sounds oh, so cliche since just about every Southern girl would say the same- but that's alright by me. There's a reason the story resonates with so many people. The movie is based on a play based on a true story. A story that, while so unique, is also so universal for Southern women…and men. On a college spring break trip to Cancun, the guy who was just a friend, but would years later become my husband, was around when I had a low blood sugar spell. I didn't act quite as dramatic as Julia, but he held up a drink to my mouth and drawled, "drank the juice, Shailby." At that moment I said to myself, "that is going to be my man." Now, it may seem I would be drawn to this movie for the obvious similarity between myself and Shelby, but I fell in love with this movie way before juvenile diabetes came into my life. In my former life as a diabetes educator, while trying to explain to my patients the differences between type 2 diabetes (which was most of my patients) and type 1 diabetes (me) I often said, "you know like, Steel Magnolias?" to describe my condition. That typically got 2 different reactions from people…1. sheer horror and shock that I was able to work and was not, in fact, laid up in a hospital bed on life support or 2. blank stares of unfamiliarity. Now I realize the movie is getting a little old, but come on people, this should be mandatory viewing! Going back to reaction 1 of sheer horror and shock, I will admit the movie does not do a great job of accurately portraying the life of a type 1 diabetic but let's just leave it at that.

So, why do I love this story? I love the characters. I love the strong, yet gentle women who support each other through good and bad. As Truvy says, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" and really that's what you feel throughout the movie.  I think everyone who gets to know these characters is reminded of women in their lives. Know a Ouiser? You know you do. We all know that crazy, old, woman who can be such a grouch that you want to just slap her and then you turn around and here she comes bringing you cucumbers from her garden. Every young woman needs a Miss Clariee in her life to remind her how to be a gentle leader. I know my Clariee. She is one of the most business-saavy women I know, yet the most genteel. She gave me some great advice as a wide-eyed college student. She said with tenderness yet firmness, "Now, Katie, when you get ready to get married, you marry a man like your daddy. You marry a soft-spoken, gentle man, or you will be very sad." I think you probably know an Anelle. Lord, you just love her to pieces, but bless her heart, if she don't drive you crazy. Don't underestimate Anelles, though. They have a great inner power and are essential when it comes to putting things back into perspective for you. They don't let personal tragedies interfere with their abilities to do great hair, either. Oh, and I hope you know a Truvy. She can make you smile, laugh, and feel better about yourself when you feel like everything has just gone all pear-shaped. She's the one you sidle up to at a party when you want to hear a good story, especially if it involves a secret about your nemesis…not that you have one, just saying…

I know a M'Lynn. She is my very best friend, my rock, and my mother. She is the strongest woman I know. She picks up the pieces and puts everything back together when life has truly gone awry- all  while keeping herself together. I have never seen my mother fall apart. I don't know how she does it. Myself, well I'm more of a Shelby- highly emotional and stubborn to a fault. When I get overwhelmed, I just want to sit and cry for a bit, but my M'Lynn, she will jump right in and clean the house from top to bottom, cook a roast, and bake a pie without a hair out of place. When I told her I was expecting, she was so happy for me but I know she worried. Since my diagnosis at 16 I had heard many times that a baby might not be possible, that it might be too hard on my body, but much like Shelby, "I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothin special." Like the Eatentons though, my mother and father always said all they wanted for me and my brothers was happiness. Here I am today, holding this wonderful creature and I want so much happiness for her. Like I have said before, I buried the standard plans you have for your child like playing the piano or excelling at tennis. Caroline loves to prove me wrong, so she may excel at each of those things. Mainly, what I wish for her is to be a Steel Magnolia. I pray she knows her worth as a woman. I pray that she understands that being a woman does not change the calling He places on her life. I want her to know that being a woman does not make her a different kind of Christian. 

I know that many have already weighed in on this topic but I can't let it go. I have lost sleep over the Duggar family for the past few nights. I have never been a fan of the show, but I absolutely do not hate them. I don't agree with most aspects of their lifestyle but until recently, it didn't affect me. So why do I care so much now? As a mother to a daughter, I am the one who is supposed to model what is acceptable and unacceptable. I never, ever want her to think someone assaulting her and taking advantage of her is acceptable. Yes, there is forgiveness and redemption. I am the chief of sinners. Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be until I die. I pray that Josh has truly found recovery and redemption, but mostly I pray for the girls who were violated. The girls, who are now women, will never be the same. They and their relationships will be forever affected by the heinous acts and worse, the cover-up, which is the true crime here. No adult in this case acted responsibly at any point. To those who say the sin was a private matter and "dealt with" I beg to differ. Reporting something to church elders a year after the criminal behavior, yes it is a crime, began is not "dealing." Sending the perpetrator, who let's face it is also a victim of his sheltered upbringing, to do manual labor as therapy for 3 months, (his mother later admitted no counseling was ever involved) is not "dealing." Then, sending him to get a "stern talking-to" from a police officer buddy who did not file a report and would later be sentenced to 50+ years for child pornography charges is not "dealing." I know some make the excuse that he was "only 14, a child." He was 14 when this started and continued the acts. He knew they were wrong. I grew up with 2 older brothers, and I can assure you,  nothing about his actions was normal. I absolutely hate that the real victims, the daughters and the friend, are suffering once again, and this time publicly. I hate that the media is loving the demise of this family. Like I said, I do not hate them or wish them ill-will, ok I will admit I have been wishing for some punishment for the parents and clergy who are mandated reporters and did not report the offense-ah, there I go again. So, the other day, as I am trying to deal with my anger about this situation,  I go for a run. (Caroline is a year old so now officially I have to quit making excuses and get back in shape.) So, as I run, I listen to music. A rap song comes on and the words stop me in my tracks. If I am so concerned about what my reaction to the Duggar scandal tells my daughter, should I not be concerned with my acceptance of these lyrics that degrade her as a woman? My sister-in-law texted me the other day about this topic. She had her radio going and heard these lyrics:

Shawty, I don't mind if you dance on a pole,

That don't make you a ho

She and I agreed that actually that does make you a ho. When did we decide as women that being objectified was acceptable? When did we decide that we should wear certain clothes, style our hair this way, or have a 24" waist to have any worth? The media tells us we should and we obey. 

Well, I pray that my Sweet Caroline would have a rebellious, stubborn streak like her mama Shelby to forge her own path. I pray she would have the quiet strength and deep love of my M'Lynn. The good nature and warmth of  my Truvy. I pray for the practicality of my Anelle, and the politeness and wisdom of my Clariee. I even pray for a good dose of my sassy Ouiser in her- that she would have the strength to be an independent woman and the orneriness to stomp a mud hole in the side of any male who tries to get in her way. 

My two Steel Magnolias. Tender as Magnolia blossoms but tough as steel

Expectations & The Unexpected

It's been a little over 2 weeks since our palate repair, and we are so happy to report that Caroline is once again surpassing expectations. After each surgery, there is always an adjustment period- some more difficult than others. Her lip repair last December proved to be an extremely difficult recovery. Whenever I expressed this to her surgery team at our follow-up appointment, I heard, "Oh really? Well just wait until the palate surgery." So, as you can imagine, we weren't exactly looking forward to it. Well, in true Caroline fashion, she doesn't adhere to my plans. Nope, thankfully, Caroline follows her own and surpasses my expectations.

We received a lot of questions about our reasons for choosing to go with a different surgeon and hospital. I want to be clear that this decision was not made without some hesitation and even sadness. We have been through a lot in this first year with ACH. We have met many fine physicians, nurses, and ancillary staff, and formed relationships. Back in April, we made the trip to Dallas to consult with this new team, and when we returned, a nurse and friend from ACH called. When I told her we had been to Dallas, she just said, "Dr. Fearon? He's excellent." That was a difficult conversation. It almost felt like a break-up, but even worse. When you entrust your child's life with someone, you form a unique bond with that person. So, why leave? With the passing of our beloved Dr. Honnebier, we knew we needed to find a new craniofacial surgeon, preferably one that could manage her cleft and craniosynostosis, and  thankfully, we found him.

Surgery was scheduled for Friday, May 8th, so we spent most of Thursday at the hospital for pre-op appointments. Every single person we met was so kind and took time to make Caroline feel as comfortable as possible. We met with Dr. Fearon and he explained the procedure in detail. Whenever surgeons do this, I nod a lot and try to act like I understand everything they say, but really I'm not paying attention at all. I realize that sounds concerning, but this is where I rely on Josh and at least one of my parents to process this information for me. In that moment, all I can think about as I hold her is how I can reassure her and let her know how much she is loved. Then, he measures her head and I am so happy to tell you that, for once, her head has not grown over the past month! Also, he felt of her head and confidently said he believes the cranial pressure has decreased. There is no scientific explanation for this, so I credit God and you, her prayer warrior, for this unexpected, excellent news.

Two of the bravest girls I know. 

Surgery day has arrived. I can't describe all of the thoughts and emotions that race through your mind, and won't even attempt it. All I can say is that morning went very smoothly. We had the sweetest nurse caring for us in the holding area before Caroline was taken back to the operating room. We met with each doctor again, signed consents, and then it was almost time to let her go. For the first time, we are offered Versed for Caroline- although I wish they had some for parents and grandparents, too! If you aren't familiar with Versed, this is a wonderful, magical elixir that chills your child slick out. At this point, Caroline doesn't know or care where she is or what is going on- she is floating on the magical Versed cloud. The operating room nurse comes to take Caroline and when I hand  her over, there are no tears- from Caroline, anyway. We head to the waiting area and receive frequent updates that our girl is doing well. During her palate repair, she also had ear tubes placed by an ENT, so he comes out first to tell us everything went well. Then, about an 90 minuets later, Dr. Fearon comes out bouncing and smiling- that's always a good sign. After a few surgeries, you develop a knack for reading doctor's faces. Instead of the typical routine of getting the rundown from the surgeon and then waiting for 30 minutes for a nurse to come get you to take you back to your awake and crying child, Dr. Fearon takes us back immediately. He's a bit of a renegade but I like that about him. Caroline was still sleeping peacefully and he instructed us to let her sleep for as long as possible stating it would be much easier on her. Of course, I was happy to let her sleep knowing she likely wouldn't be so peaceful once she woke up. It's always difficult to walk back to the recovery area to a screaming and scared child. I realized then that Dr. Fearon wanted me to be the first person she saw when she woke up- and for that I am so grateful. When she finally woke up, the nurse wasted no time in making sure she was comfortable. She had an IV pain medicine ready to go followed by an oral, then another via IV. I really didn't expect her to eat or drink at all the first day, but wouldn't you know, Caroline the Lionhearted is sitting up gulping an orange gatorade 30 minutes later. Since it took some time for a room in the pediatric unit to open up, the nurse brought her a portable DVD player. So, there sits Caroline, drinking and watching Little Einsteins like nothing happened.

"Where's Caroline??" Playing peekaboo before surgery

Our mighty girl in recovery. They let her doll go back to surgery with her and when they got out, she managed to be wearing Caroline's socks. No one can resist playing with a doll.

Once we made it to the floor, the staff did an excellent job of keeping her comfortable and happy. They let us unplug the IV pole and take her for walks around the unit. Caroline isn't much for sitting. She has never been one of those "sit and rock me" babies. She prefers to be on the move- or rather you be on the move. She's just concerned for my health is all. I won't sugarcoat it, the first night is always rough. She didn't sleep but didn't want to drink and the only thing that kept her somewhat happy was her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD. My sweet husband held her almost all night and let me take the couch. The crying, the beeping of machines, and Goofy singing about building a "birdie-house" over and over made us feel like we had entered the inner circle of Hell. OK, maybe not that bad, but it was pretty awful. The next morning when Dr. Fearon came in to check on her, she was clapping, playing peekaboo, and watching her Mickey Mouse. She had also managed to drink and eat, so he decided she was doing too well to be at the hospital. We stayed in Canton, Texas which is a tiny town about 45 miles from Dallas. We wanted to stick close to the hospital for a few days just in case. We were so thankful to have my parents there for support. Later that day once we got back to the cottage, they offered to watch her so we could rest. I assumed we might sleep 2 hours and do some laundry. Nope. We fell asleep and woke up 5 hours later. Yes, I have the very best parents ever.

We have only had a couple scares that first week home and, thankfully, Dr. Fearon is good about answering emails and calls to calm my worries. Overall, this has probably been the easiest recovery which was unexpected but very welcomed! So, next on the agenda, is getting used to this new palate and all that comes with it. She is currently fascinated with clicking her tongue and is  looking forward to expanding her food options beyond purees. We will have an MRI in June to help determine if she will will need a brain shunt and what type could be used. Then, back to Dallas in July for follow-up appointments.

All I can say to you is thank you- which never seems like nearly enough to express the gratitude my family has for you and your love and support of our Sweet Caroline.

First sit-down restaurant experience just 2 days after surgery. Had to bring the doll along of course, still wearing Caroline's socks. She had milk but was more interested in helping her daddy drink his sweet tea. It's in her blood, y'all.