Joyful Warriors

Yesterday was one of those days that was full of questions but lacking in answers. I spent a good part of the morning talking to the neuro clinic at ACH and our local pediatrician. Although our neurosurgeon and his nurse were unavailable to explain the CT results and plan of action, we fortunately have a wonderful advocate in our pediatrician who was able to pull a few strings and glean a little insight. We still don't have a definite plan, but we have enough information to make it through the weekend without going crazy. The ventriculomegaly has progressed and likely she will need a shunt at some point. Hopefully, that point will not come soon. I cried some more and ate pie- did you know it was National Pie Day? That was good enough reason for me to have a piece for lunch while I was waiting on that call from our ped.  At least I had the good sense about me to only buy a piece and not an entire pie because, by now, there would probably be an empty pie plate on the nightstand. I knew this shunt was a probability but until now, we have had so many other issues to focus on and when you focus on one, you tend to temporarily forget about the other scary things. At this point, I have so many questions for God. Every time I'm at ACH and see all of the sick children and exhausted caregivers, I ask Him "why?" I want an explanation. Last night, I picked up my Bible looking for a "why." I didn't get one, but I did get a "how." A how to cope. A how to find peace for the moment.

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Although we will never understand why Caroline has been given so many battles, one thing Josh and I know is we will continue to fight with her and for her. We will fight for the highest quality of life, always. We will fight for her happiness. So, we will choose to be joyful warriors and lead happy lives. We will not be made victims or martyrs.

One of my resolutions this year was to start a Happiness Jar. Are you familiar with those? You basically write a little note about the happiest part of your day and place it in the jar. Then, when you feel down, you can read a few notes to remind yourself that life is still good. Well, in my true fashion, I have yet to start my jar which is just pathetic, it's just a jar, paper, and pen- but today is the day….and maybe eventually I will take down my Christmas tree too…maybe. Think I could get by with a Holiday Tree? I could just leave it up and decorate for each holiday. Hearts for Valentine's and shamrocks for St. Patrick's…

Today, Newfie kisses make us happy. So very thankful for this gentle giant.