A Little Gratitude

Our sweet Caroline is officially 6 months old. When I state that fact I get 2 different reactions from people… "Wow 6 months already?!" or "Wow, has it only been 6 months?!"

The funny thing is, I feel both of those sentiments simultaneously. In some ways, these months have absolutely dragged. Those moments when she can't breathe because the awful monster they call GERD is attacking and I keep saying to myself, "it will get better after 6 months," yeah, those are the times I plead for the days to pass quickly. Then, we experience those sweet moments when my baby is trying to have a conversation with me. She babbles, coos, and sings and then reaches up and pulls my face closer to make sure I'm listening to her every word. It is in those moments I pray for time to slow down.   The 5th month was like that- full of ups and downs. This was the first month of her life that she hasn't had a single surgery. Shouldn't that be a huge victory? Instead, I tend to focus on the negatives. This last  month brought out some real ugliness in me. I don't like to admit this truth, but it made me wonder, "what is my life reflecting?"

One afternoon, we were desperately, and unsuccessfully, trying to get Caroline to take a nap. Normal baby stuff. This was one of the first days in the helmet and she was determined not to sleep in the contraption. In an attempt to soothe her, Josh got out her little stuffed lamb that plays music. "Jesus Loves Me" started up and I fixed my eyes on the floor. Josh read my thoughts and said quietly over her whimpering, "He does love her." I believe He does, but sometimes it's easy for me to get so caught up in the difficult moments and forget truth. In that moment, I was choosing to dwell on the bad. The thing is, I want Caroline to believe without a doubt that she is loved, cherished, perfect, worthy, strong, and able to do absolutely anything. How will she believe unless I believe too? Mostly, I don't want to become so fixated on the challenges that they become her identity. I don't want her to be the poster child for special needs and I certainly have no business being the poster-special-needs-mama. I don't want people to see her and think, "oh she is doing great…for her condition" or "she looks so cute…for having those issues." I want them to see Caroline for who she is- a funny, bright, loving, beautiful, formed-in-His-image girl. My hope for Caroline and our whole family is that our lives would not reflect  the hardships, but that they would reflect gratitude, joy, and grace.

November is all about thankfulness, so to kick off the month, how about a photo summary of just a few of the things that I am so very thankful for this year?

These two. I love them. 

Sunrises…and new mercies that come with them. 

Our furry babysitter. 

This smile to greet me each morning. 

This unyielding spirit. 

Furry babies…and the start of holiday season. 

This excited little strawberry and the man behind her. 

Meme. We love her. 

Birthdays. Yesterday was my brother's birthday. He was my first friend and he's pretty darn special.