Don't Forget to Breathe...and Pray

"Don't forget to breathe!" says a cheery, legwarmer-clad, poufy-haired Jane Fonda. I'm 11 years old in my parents' old house doing my mom's 1980's Jane VHS tape and that part always made me laugh. Now, don't get me wrong, her workouts, while not exactly in the same category as Insanity and other forms of torture, are in fact, no joke. However, she says this as we are laying on the floor lifting our legs. I always thought, "what kind of idiot forgets to breathe?"

Fast-forward almost 20 years and I am that idiot. As it turns out, I haven't been doing much real breathing for awhile now. Physically, no I haven't stopped breathing. That would be bad. I'm talking those deep mental, spiritual, emotional breaths...those I have been forgetting lately. I have the bill from our local ER to prove it. The chest pain turned out to be just a scare, but one I needed. The nurse looks me over and asks if I have had any stresses lately. I start giggling and then crying as her eyes widen. Let's see...Caroline just had her 13th surgery and still doesn't want to eat or sleep, so yeah, there's a little stress in our home. At this point I was still sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed, because that's my default spot. The mom seat. Then she makes me lie on the bed and "relax" while they order tests. I begin to take a few deep breaths in an effort to "relax" and try to drown out the drunk guy next door crying because the nurse told him they would have to "stick him" for bloodwork. I used to be a very compassionate person and then I had a child with medical complexities. If you are that scared of needles, don't get drunk at 3 in the afternoon and get in a fight and come to the ER. It's pretty simple. Anyway, as I took those deep breaths I thought, "man, I forgot how good this feels."

Try it. Right now. Take 3 deep breaths.

Inhale....
Exhale...

Inhale...
Exhale...

Inhale...
Exhale...

Last night I was lying in bed consumed with resentment, anger, frustration. Not at Caroline, just at life in general, and if I'm being honest, at God. I had been on the phone with therapists until 10:30pm- which if you know me is like 1 am for most people. I am truly thankful for these wonderful women who are helping Caroline (and me) but sometimes I feel resentful that my child needs therapy while healthy babies are born to seemingly perfect families everyday.
So, as the anger tries to overtake me, I take a deep breath. Then, I was reminded of something I learned in college. A practice I had not practiced in a long time. Gregg Taylor was the director of the Wesley Foundation at the University of Arkansas during my time there and I was blessed to get to know him and his precious wife, Amy, who invited students into their home every week for bible study. One night he taught us "Breath Prayers." It is a very simple prayer. A single sentence you utter to God as you take a deep breath.

I lied in bed last night and inhaled
"God take away my anger"
and exhaled
"Give me peace"

So simple and yet so powerful. The next time you feel overwhelmed with anger at a coworker who is a gossiping, busybody out for your job...inhale and exhale. Pray for clarity and peace.
The next time you find yourself in the middle of a feud...inhale and exhale. Pray for discernment.
When you are overwhelmed with sadness because it's the holidays and you are missing your mama so much...inhale and exhale. Pray for joy.

Don't forget to breathe, loved one.

Girl got her prayer hands ready.